Spring Equinox

I.

Tonight’s the night I wash away my past

My pessimistic ways

My need for someone to love away all the things I couldn't love about myself

My lack of self compassion

My desire to escape the parts of myself I'd rather ignore.

Tonight’s the night I am free from the prison I created

The core belief that I could never amount to anything, that make up the bars instilled to trap me

The ingrained thought that no one could love all of me, that make up my lifeless cell 

The memories I allow to hinder me from self expression, that make up this stone of a bed

The habit of reverting to old thinking patterns and giving up when life goes south, that makes up the key to release me from this cycle.

Tonight’s the night I end this vicious cycle

A cycle I despise 

but I have made my bed and lied there for years. 

A cycle I want to cast aside 

but it is all I've ever known.

A cycle I wish to forget

but it was not even mine to begin with, as it was supposed to be my destiny. 

Tonight’s the night.

Yes, this time, tonight is the night.  

I promise you, I’m done being a victim. 

II.

'arju 'an tunir ruhi wajasadi waeaqli, effortlessly flows out of my mouth as I light up each candle. 

One for wealth,

One for inner peace,

One for love,

One for health,

One for the ancestors,

One for strengthening my intuition,

One for opening up my throat chakra. 

My salvia dominates the room

Forcing my lungs to only inhale veracity 

Every crystal protects me from the hellhound within

Every loc has witnessed tribulations

growing with me

standing by me 

Just like my babies, as they watch their mother step into her higher self. 

I bathe in the petals to heal my exterior

each one removes any doubt that may arise, 

as the Florida water restores my interior. 

Sound waves of love fill my ears,

rebutting the whispers of my inner fiend. 

Reminders are placed

and suddenly I realize, 

I'm surrounded with love. 

I always have been. 

I bow to Mother Universe 

and will forever move forward. 

I thank my ancestors for their patience and guidance,

then begin to shed. 

I release you. 

III.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un 

Farewell, my love. I have now awakened. 

Tonight is the night, 

and I am finally here.